Don’t Hold Your Breath!

Recently we laughed about a hilarious mother/daughter interaction. A young girl shared with her mom some sadness she was having. The mom listened intently, then replied, “Ya know, honey, I want you to take that feeling and just PUSH. THAT. DOWN. Just stuff it waaaaaaay down.” The young mom later bemoaned her advice. We died laughing!

But isn’t that all of us if we are truthful with ourselves? We often live in avoidance, not willing to enter into the feelings that surface. Shove it down, shove it down. We block the shame, the memories, the abandonment. I’m NOT dealing with that. NOT going there. Distract, deny, avoid, binge, drink, hump, sleep. What EVER it takes to block the pain.

All of humanity suffers and has distress, and many people have trauma.

Images of the past can haunt us, and even though we live here in the now, we experience old feelings and pain from those memories. This gives rise to fear, anger, and despair. We suffer.

Many people hold their breath during trauma and continue holding their breath unconsciously throughout their lives.

Focusing Inward

My husband, Mike, has a men’s group here in the Kansas City area for survivors of sexual abuse. He shares that his whole life has been focused outward. He was always popular, educated, and excelled at everything.

Turning inward has been a more complicated struggle for him, and he states that it is for many survivors. They resist the idea that they must go into the body where the abuse occurred to feel their feelings through grieving and meditation. Dissociation becomes a habit. Turning inward takes time and healing.

To start, we can focus on things outside of ourselves to meditate, but the long-term goal is to focus inward.

Breathing as a Tool

Learning how to breathe is monumental in dealing with suffering and pain. It is a massive start in meditation, getting in touch with ourselves, and reaching our inner child.

Conscious breathing, present breathing, and mindful breathing take us back to our emotions and body, creating a genuine friendship with our body. It influences our mind and our perception. Transformation can happen.

True reconciliation with those who have hurt us only comes when we take care of ourselves in this way. It is our primary responsibility.

Inner work prepares you for when the shit hits the fan. It builds a storehouse you can raid when more challenging situations arise.

Find a way to become aware of your breathing by gently observing and feeling it. Start first by breathing through neutral situations, no hard feelings, and eventually progress to more challenging emotions.

This will give the energy ready to do the work of recognizing, embracing, and later on looking deeply and transforming thru breathing.

We will be able to recognize and not fight our emotions.

Eventually, when we embrace our strong emotions with mindfulness and concentration, we will be able to see the roots of our mental formations and suffering, leading to relief.

Attention Issues

Let’s talk briefly about difficulty with attention.

The human attention span has dramatically decreased with the development of the digitalized lifestyle. We now supposedly focus less time than a goldfish — 9 seconds — down to 8! Have you ever tried to concentrate on three consecutive breaths? By the third one, I am usually thinking about dinner. Sigh.

Meditation takes time and practice and constantly redirects back to the inner breath and inner body. Don’t beat yourself up about it. It is the state of humanity that our minds wander.

Breathing exercises

Slow & Deep Breathing

Slow and deep breathing is also diaphragmatic breathing. You can practice this at any time. I have even done this while driving.

Imagine that you have a straw in your mouth. Inhale through it slowly, only counting to four while expanding the abdomen. Hold for four, then exhale through the “straw” with the same count. Then breathe normally, which is called a recovery breath. Repeat but each time, increase the count by one.

4 Square Breathing

In four-square breathing, envision a box. For the first side of the box, breathe in on a count of four. On the second side, hold for four. On the Third side, breathe out for four. On the fourth side, hold for four. Work your way around the box in this fashion repeatedly. You may be able to increase your count as your body acclimates to the practice. Institute a recovery breath if needed.

Breathing with Mantras

Tikh Naht Hahn, in the book Reconciliation, Healing the Inner Child, lists mantras on pages 38–40 to use during meditation. Here are a couple of examples.

Breathing in, I am aware of my body

Breathing out, I smile to my whole body

Breathing in, I am aware of my in-breath

Breathing out, I am aware of my out-breath

Breathing in, I am aware of my whole body

Breathing out, I release all tension in my body

Timers and Breathing

Set timers throughout the day to consciously breathe. Mike has a friend whose alarm rings every 25 minutes. He stops what he is doing, stops thinking, and just focuses on breathing. This break can be as short or as long as a person desires. It can help arrest the mind, which runs incessantly and temporarily frees us from the ego.

Alternate nostril breathing

Alternate nostril breathing is hugely effective in relieving anxiety and headaches. I’m not even going to attempt to describe how to practice, though. Please click on the link to watch a video.

Takeaways

I know that we say that this blog and podcast are about relationships, families, and spiritual living, but it is also about awakening, waking up, awareness, and consciousness. Breathing is an integral part of the beginnings of these processes.

Find a breathing practice or flow you like and then begin!

Originally published at https://thruthewringer.com on February 20, 2022.